Q: A year ago, I was able to put down a deposit on a flat after inheriting some money from a grandparent. I’ve been living here alone. But my boyfriend and I have recently decided to live together, and the simplest thing would be for him to move in here. I trust him, but joint ownership would be a big commitment. He’s insistent that he pay his way, but I don’t feel comfortable charging him rent: this would effectively mean he was paying towards an asset I could sell in the future. What should I do? Worried of Cambridge
A: Two things preoccupy the modern soul: relationships and property. Just look at popular culture: if we’re not watching ‘Love Island’ or ‘First Dates’, or scrolling through online dating apps, then we’re absorbed in ‘Selling Sunset’, ‘Location, Location, Location’ or ‘Grand Designs’. One particular millennial pastime is looking at online listings for houses that will always remain out of reach: picturing a charmed life amid high ceilings and period fixtures, before returning to the reality of their cramped, multi-occupancy, landlord-owned fixer-upper. And, oh, did we mention: the rent’s going up again. Sorry, it’s the cost of living. Like most things, we can blame neoliberalism for our messed up attachment to both. Atomized individualism, with people reduced to Top Trumps-style statistics about themselves, leads to the impoverished nature of contemporary dating. And a political economy in which the only thing that actually grows is house prices means that property occupies a feverish position in the English mindset. It’s an investment, the future, the nest egg. Anything perceived to threaten its value (see almost every socialist movement to come close to government) is presented as an existential threat. Families are torn apart over inheritance, and relationships can smash on the rocks of future property decisions. You both have valid points of view. Your boyfriend wants to pay his way rather than be a kept man – not that there’s anything wrong with that. But you don’t want to be his de facto landlord – is there anything less romantic?
